Coming Out of the Marijuana Closet to my Husband

Coming Out of the Marijuana Closet to my Husband

The day before our Yippie Chicks launch was energetically ideal. I had done hypnosis the night before, and meditated in the morning. I felt brave, peaceful and secure. I had this deep knowing that my gifts are ready to share with the world. I had an amazing yoga class and was inspired to ask the instructor and yoga studio about taping our yoga sessions for me to post online, sell subscriptions and/or classes. I gave them my elevator pitch and felt giddy with excitement. Serendipity intervened at all the right times throughout the day, and I was able to relax into the present moment without resisting it.

Finally Tell My Husband

Best of all, I was able to finally tell Kevin that I smoke pot. It happened quite peacefully, which I can thank my high vibration for. I had always feared getting caught and him getting enraged.

We had just finished eating tuna salad sandwiches in the Garden of the Surging Waves and we were talking about our Yippie Chicks launch. Kevin told me how it needed to be perfect, and I told him that perfect wasn’t my aim and how that’s not the point of Daring Greatly. So he said that had better wow him, and I assured him that I would. Then I started to get the courage to finally tell him, and I moved in closer, and he said “I hope you’re not coming out of the closet!” I took another deep breath to shore up courage and I blurted that I was coming out of the marijuana closet.

Astonished by how light and free I felt

As I always suspected, he was dumbfounded. Thankfully the peaceful garden and my serene energy kept the conversation very kind and grounded. He told me that it would be making a big mistake, and that I would drive a wedge between us. I reminded him that that’s what I have been doing, and that I needed to be honest with him. He questioned why I would want to smoke with all the ways that I try to live a healthy lifestyle, and I explained how creative it makes me feel. He said that I didn’t need medicine, and that’s when I told him how I had first starting smoking again when Wally died and I broke my ankle. He pointed out that how my parents smoke, and “see how they turned out.” It was obvious that we were polar opposites, but somehow we were both able to hold our power without accusing the other person of being wrong. Despite the gravity, I was astonished by how light and free I felt after I finally came out.

I don’t want to sneak and hide in my life, and it feels liberating that marijuana is finally legal.

There’s a part of me that wants to thank the Ganja Gods for this phase of life where I’ve dreamed big and blissed out. I’ve grown so much, and imagined enough possibilities for a lifetime. I am in awe of the inspiration and oneness I can feel (it’s some pretty good stuff…and yes, we are inspired to go into the family marijuana business!).

The truth is that getting high literally lights up my creativity, and makes me feel my own unlimited potential.

Why I stopped smoking

At the same time, I’ve told a lot of soul searching in the past two days. I remembered very deeply why I stopped smoking on the eve of 2000. There were three reasons:

  • I had just started dating Kevin, and I knew that there was simply no way that he would even tolerate any amount of casual use. I was falling in love with him, and knew that he could offer me more than marijuana ever could. I had a deep knowing from day one that we were meant to be life partners, and I wasn’t going to risk messing it up. (He only had to pass the Oregon Country Fair test, because I knew that I would never give that party up!)
  •  I had just been trained through Eben Goodstein’s Greenhouse Network, where I gave campus speeches on climate change. Eben had also been Miel’s economics professor previously. I was feeling serendipitously called to dedicate my career to climate change. I wanted to become a powerful change agent.
  • I knew that I wanted to become a mother. I didn’t want to have to quit for pregnancies, nor be stoned or incapacitated with kids around. My feelings were complicated because I knew that my Mom smokes pot, and I respected her choice to let us smoke marijuana in high school (because the alternative was to do meth with my childhood friends). Yet, I still couldn’t picture myself sneaking behind my kids’ back, like she did when I was a kid. I knew that she didn’t smoke much when we were little, and that it only became a serious habit when her health continued to decline. Even though I believe in the medicinal benefits of marijuana, I still don’t want marijuana to influence my presence as a Mother.

The truth is that I now have three reasons to limit my marijuana use to very Sacred Sister Time:

I know that my inner growth depends on loving and accepting myself, my husband, our children, my family, and all of life. I want to be present with Kevin and share all the wisdom I’ve learned, and watch our family continue to grow and thrive.
I want to re-dedicate my professional contribution to climate change. I’m ready to turn Astoria, Oregon into a truly cool place where the world can see what’s possible when we come together as a community. I want to bring to Astoria and use it as a test case to prove community preparedness for a disaster. The truth is that in the world over, it has been confirmed repeatedly that those communities that were most close knit and active in preparedness planning for going without conventional resources as we know them. They are more resilience. They move to higher ground together, without losing community members in the process.
I am ready to start my path to become a spiritual leader, and share all the woo-woo stuff I’ve learned with the world. Whether it be as an advocate for, reading and teaching about tarot, mediation, or manifestations, you’ll see it all transpire here.


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