Stepping into the spotlight is tough. I can’t express how much fear, questioning and judgment I’ve felt since launched Yippie Chicks, just a day ago. I knew that it would take a leap of faith, but didn’t realize how inadequate I would feel and how hard it would be to really believe in my dreams. Especially since I had felt so serenely sure of myself in just the days prior.
In the process of launching Yippie Chicks, I’ve certainly come up against my hidden inadequacies and now realize just how insecure I’ve felt, especially when reflected against Miel. And while I would never want to be a workaholic like her, I’ve always idolized Miel (Kevin and her are more alike than they would care to admit). She’s simply a Rockstar in my eyes. Honestly, my insecurity compared to her extraordinary confidence is our most striking difference. I always seem to shrink a little in her presence, and it’s not just that she’s a little taller than me.
I sabotage myself with procrastination, want to share my heart with everyone, and simply have too much on my plate to begin with. I prioritize my family instead of money, and then justify my spending habits (a vicious cycle indeed!). More than all the ways that I limit my own potential and talk myself out of my grand ideas, is the fact that I have a hard time believing in myself. I’m deeply afraid of rejection, letting people down, and feeling isolated.
I’m a wholehearted Brene Brown fan. I finished reading Daring Greatly while in Hawaii (no it didn’t read like a beach book, but it was just what I needed). It reminded me of why it’s so essential that I let myself be vulnerable. She also talked a lot about how we all have ways that we numb ourselves to hide our hidden shame. That was when the idea of coming out green and sobering up both became so prevalent in my thoughts. I know deep down that I am meant for greatness, and to be a spiritual leader, as I live my life by example.
I know that for me to show up and shine in my life that I need to intentionally limit, and make a public proclamation that you won’t find me high on anything but life. I’ve decided that I need to sober up in order to make all my beautiful utopia a reality. I am also going to practice some form of kundalini meditation every day. Because I know in my heart of hearts that I need all the presence and clarity that I can possibly muster to do, express and create everything that I want in my lifetime as Darcy.
After all this inner fire, I’m finally starting to feel the queenly confidence that I’ve always craved. Stay tuned as I step into my true power, blunder, live, love and grow.